Wings

Christmas usually sucks at my house. I get all excited, around this time of year, and tell myself, THIS TIME IT WILL BE DIFFERENT. That's all I think about. And then it gets there, and it's crap-pay.
Idealism isn't privledged kids' sheltered mindsets.
It's their hope and lacking.
At least, that's what I've seen in a lot of the idealist kids.

--But hey, I'm a bit pessimistic at the moment, anyway. This school year has really kind of taken a beating. I still look forward to school, though, and seeing my friends. I've been basically living on schoolwork, water, and hand-holding for the past few months. Sometimes less than that.
Sometimes a lot less.
So it's been weird, but everyone has something happen that is testing. It's how you come out of it that matters, I guess. Even though it sucks, it's worth something. It's just hard to see that little message while it's happening. My mom's mom died, Halloween morning, and she's still kind of reeling from it. It doesn't show very often, but when it does it just really sucks. I know I need to be there for her, but it would just be nice if someone else was, too. My dad is, to an extent, but they're separated. So. "To an extent."
I'm just a stupid kid!
Don't make me act like an adult!
I can't! (I can.) ...I don't wanna!
This is the problem with the United States! We recognize the period of life called adolescence, and part of the issue with this is that we are in between adulthood and childhood! This creates confusion pertaining to roles! Society, look what you've done! I am confused, pertaining to my role!
I'm not oblivious like a child, nor am I equipped to handle this like an adult.
Or, I'm equipped...but it seems inappropriate. Wrong. Weird.

And so I sigh.

Otherwise...college applications, SATs, punching bags, laundry, two-quart bottles of water, fingers intertwining, parking spot wars, and reconciliation.
We all die.
We do. I'm sorry to have to tell you.
We really do all die.
Someday, in that case, I'm going to die.
And when that happens, I want the people who knew me to celebrate the life I had, with tons of stories.
But, more so, I would like my last breath to be a sigh of contentment.

:]